hurricane katrina

the song below cannot play without me flashing back to those fateful days.

kevin and i moved to mississippi in may 2005. i was pregnant with kaia at the time. kevin ended up needing a school for work that was taking place in san diego at the end of july. this was fine with me because i'd just stay with my parents and visit family/friends, etc. the school would last 2 or 3 weeks (i can't remember)...so we drove cross-country, in order to have a vehicle. we took corona also, and asked some friends to water our plants. we'd be home in 2-3 weeks.

i never went back.

while kevin was attending his school, he made chief. we were too excited to care about the fact that he'd have to stay in san diego during transition. he was mildly bummed because he was not with his fellow chiefs on his ship, but instead grouped together with a random assortment of people. i was bummed because i missed him and didn't want to have to be apart any longer than we already had (i was staying at my parent's house about 2 hours north). so, i asked my mom if she minded that i stay with her until september 16th, at which point we would go back to mississippi. what were they going to say, right? so, i settled in for another month.

as long as i was going to be in california for so long, i asked my dad if he'd like to go visit my grandpa in oregon with me. so, we flew up there on august 28th. at this time, hurricane katrina was getting ready to make landfall in the gulf coast. kevin had called before we left...our friends were boarding up our windows for us in mississippi. this was nothing new. in the 2 months we had lived there, we had evacuated and boarded up the windows at least once. i began feeling more and more anxious as the time went on. but, what are the chances that we would live in the one spot where a hurricane would hit?

when we got to my grandpa's late that night, i could not sleep. i sat up and watched cnn and the weather channel for hours upon hours upon hours. i watched as the hurricane made landfall. i watched as any and all communication from the gulf coast in mississippi was cut off. i called kevin (who was still in san diego and had to wake up at some god awful hour) and cried and cried and cried.

we knew nothing about the circumstances of our neighborhood. our friends and neighbors had evacuated. there was no news about our area. and in my mind, no news meant bad news.

all i could think about was all of our THINGS. i alternated between being so happy that we were safe...that we had brought corona with us and that he was not in a dog kennel there and visualizing all of our wordly belongings scattered for miles and miles. and it sounds so trivial now. we had packed for california as if we were evacuating a hurricane. we knew it was possible that one would come while we were gone, so i guess we were smart in that sense, but still. everything we had worked years to attain. everything that has so much meaning attached to it other than monetarily. the couch and chair and coffee tables we bought to fill our first house in virginia even though we couldn't afford them. the t.v. that had taken 12 months of fighting through a claim with the moving company to get. the bedroom furniture that we had JUST bought with our earnings from the sale of our house in virginia. kevin's truck...our first car purchase together. and it all meant something. and it all meant more because i was pregnant. we were having a baby in two months. where would i even begin if everything we had built our "home" to be was gone?

this anxiety and uncontrollable crying went on for 3 days. i could not sleep, i could not eat. i was sick with fear. finally kevin called one day. a friend had gone back into the neighborhood against warnings not to. our house was fine. it was still standing. there was roof damage, so some things inside had gotten wet due to the leaks. kevin's truck would have to be repainted. but, two streets up (we were about 1.5 miles from the gulf) the houses were under water. a friend who lived a couple of miles away lost everything. i was thankful. and relieved. and felt so guilty in the face of all the trauma that was being plastered all over the television. we were lucky.

the navy would not let us move back. kevin was given leave to go back to mississippi to get his truck and our boat (we had left it at his parent's house during our last evacuation in case there was a hurricane while we were gone to california, good thinking!). they also had the movers pack up all our stuff and we had to find a house in california.

when kevin went back to mississippi once the ship was repaired, i went to visit once. we drove around to some of the places we had been in the short two months that we had lived there. everything that i had known in that short time was gone. it was such a strange feeling. and although i was feeling it a year and three months after the fact, i cannot imagine what it must feel like to come home to an empty slab where your HOME used to be.

i know what i went through in the hours and days of not knowing what had happened to our home. what if it had been different? what if we weren't lucky? i'm thankful that i don't have to know the answer to that question...but the feelings of terror of those few days will haunt me forever.

the below song became our anthem in a time of turmoil and uncertainty. it brings tears to my eyes to this day...