thankful.

my sweet, darling daughter has graced me with her presence today. i'm so glad to have her back!

kaia has been so good. it's like old times again. she has listened to me. she's had no time outs. she's cleaned up all her toys and eaten all her food. she hasn't had any accidents all day. she's peed on the big potty many times without me even asking. she wipes and flushes and washes her hands all by herself. she's been polite and sweet. she snuggled with me while i was feeding layla (instead of getting into trouble because she knows there's not much i can do). she's been sweet and gentle with layla all day. she helped me fold laundry. she told me we should turn off the tv during breakfast so that we (she) didn't watch it and then we could turn it back on when we were done eating. and last, but not least...nap time was not a struggle.

so, i'm perfectly aware that this could end at any given moment. but, it feels good to be able to give her praise and credit. it feels good to not have to yell. but mostly it makes me realize how much i missed her, so i hope this keeps up for a little while :)

you take the good...

you take the bad. you take it all and there you have the facts of life...the facts of life. wow, will the dorkiness never end? more importantly, will there ever come a time in my life when i will forget all these tv theme songs from the eighties?????!

today i had the best mommy day i have had since layla has been born. and actually before that because you have the whole end of pregnancy misery that made parenting kaia even difficult. so many monumental (for layla! for kaia! for me!) things happened...all in one day. of course they did, since i just brought myself to write about how overwhelmed i'd been in my last post.

it all began last night, in the middle of the night after layla's feeding. she typically cannot get to sleep without nursing. and the dear also refuses to use a pacifier. so, mommy it is! anyway, she was done eating, but would not get off the boob. i gently took her off and put her in the bassinet, but she kept waking up. so, i'd pick her up again and put her on my boob, repeat the previous scenario, etc. finally i got fed up (and really kind of tired since it was 3:30am by this time) and decided to try something else (novel idea, right?) so i left her in the bed, put my hand on her belly and shushed her to sleep! this is the first time IN HER LIFE that she's gone to sleep without my boob in her mouth. so, YAY!

this morning we went to a hullaballoo concert with playgroup. layla screamed the whole way there in the car, so i was really hoping she could hold it together once we got there (and doubting that she would). but, she was cool! she hung out for awhile with kelly's mom and then started fussing a bit. i fed her and she fell asleep in my arms and stayed that way through the rest of the concert and while the kids played. she eventually woke up, but was still okay as long as i was holding her. she did begin crying towards the end of the playdate, but omg...WHO CARES! we had a great time and i was so happy.

once we got home both girls ate and then i swaddled layla and put her in her crib in her own room (for the first time). she napped in there for 2.5 hours! the amount of time is not really a huge deal because she sleeps a lot during the day anyway. BUT, she usually sleeps in the swing during the day, which is in the same area that kaia plays, so i'm constantly trying to walk the line between telling kaia to be quiet, which isn't fair and letting her play freely, which frequently wakes layla up. so, to come downstairs and tell kaia that she was free to play and make whatever noise she wanted was great. soon after she went to sleep also, so mommy had a break...always a nice punctuation to a great day.

once layla woke up, i fed her again and then put her in the moby wrap. i've been putting her in it at home for just 15 minutes a day, trying to get her used to it. if i can get her to be comfortable in a wrap, it just opens so much for our day to day outings. i could grocery shop! anyhow, some days she can do 20 mins, but that's pushing it and she gets fussy. today she was in it for 1.5 HOURS!!! and she fell asleep in it!!!!!!! this was the greatest milestone for me. and i know not to expect that this is how it will be from here on out, but it was sure great to know that it was possible.

kaia peed and pooped in the potty all day today with the exception of the time we were gone to playgroup. she did have one accident, but hey, she's getting there.

kaia and i played outside all afternoon after she woke up from her nap. we watered the flowers and took lots of pictures. she made some soup in a bucket, with sand and flowers and bugs and i ate it up. the laughter and pure joy that emanates from that child should be a constant reminder of how lucky i am. she is so smart, funny and beautiful. it seems like that gets lost in the constant toddler battles we face. i try to make a point of telling her these things everyday. and if i fail to verbally tell her all these things, the most i can hope for is that she just knows. from all the hugs and all the kisses and all the times i tell her how proud of her i am.

i was patient and kind to both of my children all day long. i never yelled at kaia. i never acted exasperated when i had to put her in time out 10 or more times this afternoon. i felt peaceful and capable. and all of this on a day when kevin had duty...

and both girls were in bed and asleep by 8:15 pm. which gives momma time to recharge before another amazing day with these little people who have so completely changed my world.

we've come a long way, babies. i love you both so much.

here's to a summer full of love and laughter...

stand off

apparently kaia and i are at a stand off. for two weeks, she's been going pee and poop in the potty. almost everytime. of course, she has to be bottomless in order to remember, but hey, we're working on it. now all of the sudden...she insists on pooping on the floor! she refuses to go on the potty. and even more disturbing is that corona somehow feels that it's his job to um, "clean up" the poop. gross.

anyway, i don't know where to go from here. i can't help but get upset when she does this because i know that she CAN do it in the potty. so, she's doing it on purpose. which is amazing in itself.

with layla around, i am constantly reminded of how kaia's life started...and really look how far she's come. so, in a big picure kind of perspective, i know i need to not stress on the potty training front. so what if she's 3 before she's finally done potty training? she won't go to college in diapers! but, on daily grind kind of perspective, i just get frustrated. frustrated because i KNOW she can do it and is choosing not to. but struggling between letting her know it's not okay to poop on the floor (HELLO!) and just not making any kind of big deal about it, lest it fuels her need for control and she continues.

this parenting shit is HARD. (no pun intended :))

go ahead, call CPS

so, i'm currently in the running for the worst mother in america! i am bribing kaia to go pee or poop in the potty with CANDY! what is the matter with me? well, i'll tell you. i'm soooooooo over changing her diapers. she seems way too big to me when i'm wiping the poop off of her butt! so, i decided to potty train her this week (seriously) we aren't going anywhere and she's just running around in training panties. when not in the training panties, i have her in the cloth diapers. well, today while unpacking kevin's bags from his trip to indiana...i ran across some of those mini sour gummy worms. and before i could even think twice, these words were coming out of my mouth: "kaia, if you go pee pee in the potty, you can have one piece of candy. if you go poo-poo in the potty, you can have two pieces of candy!" the look in her eyes was priceless. so, i jumped in the shower, berating myself and recollecting about how i think it's a cardinal sin in ALL parenting books, to bribe your children with food. she'll probably have food and bathroom issues her entire life now, and it will all be MY fault :) !!!
ANYWAY, i kid you not...15 minutes later she came to tell me she peed in the potty (i didn't believe her because she says this ALL the time). i went to look and she had peed ON the potty. yes, lid down, pee on top :) i was still elated and gave her a piece of candy because, well, that's progress, right?. five minutes after that i hear "mommy, i peed in the potty, i want candy" and of course i didn't believe her since she had just gone 5 minutes before so i told her to bring me the potty and show me. sure enough, it was filled with pee! except this time she had remembered to pull down the panties and lift up the lid on the potty, just like we had talked about!!!!!! i cried. we jumped up and down and laughed and sang and danced. who would have thought 3 years ago that pee in a bowl could make me so happy :) i'm so proud.
now, i just have to hope that the novelty doesn't wear off. oh, and take some deep breaths because i'm sure she's going to be bouncing off the walls in a bit (she's rarely ever had candy!) luckily i have my 6 week post-partum appt today, so daddy will be here to deal with it, LOL :)